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  • Writer's pictureErin Spineto

The Middle


For the first time in over a year, I actually got hungry. And it was such a foreign feeling. How odd is that, that such a basic human feeling, one that a baby can feel immediately after birth, was so foreign to me. I actually would go without eating for a few hours just to feel it again. And I somehow felt a little more human, more while, more "fixed".

Of course, that was short lived because for the next ten or so years it became all I felt. Eat 8:00 a.m., 8:30 high b.s., feel munchy, be thinking about when the next time was that I could eat. Even a Thanksgiving feast couldn't turn on the full signal. I could eat three plates of food and I just couldn't get that over-full feeling. I became jealous of my relatives, lying on the sofa, moaning in pain because they ate too much.

But life did become a little more normal. No longer was I sneaking off to the bathroom to shoot up during a dinner at a restaurant with friends. I didn't have to plan my life around that first shot in the morning. I could eat when I wanted and exercise on a moments notice.

I got one step closer to that carefree life of my youth. Except for the fact that I was now attached to something, and every three days I had to refuel it, and bring extra supplies, and...

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